Newlyweds
When
we first got married we both still had one semester of college left. Our minds
were on graduation and finding jobs. Throughout the semester Bret applied to
dozens of jobs and traveled around to job fairs. But as the semester was coming
to a close we started feeling panicked that no job offers had come. About 2
weeks before finals he got a call for an interview! They flew
him out for the interview and showed him around town. He came home ecstatic and an
offer letter soon followed. That gave us 2 weeks to graduate from college, pack
up, and move to an area neither of us knew at all! It was a little scary
thinking about how everyone and everything we knew would be left behind but we
were mostly eager and excited.
We loved our new apartment in “the real world”. We got busy unpacking thinking it would take all day. But it only took like an hour. It goes fast when all you own in clothes and textbooks and no furniture! We also had no money. We both vividly remember eating the cold cereal and pbjs (we could barely afford) on the floor for 2 weeks! Once he got his first paycheck we were out of the woods and could buy chairs, and shelves and actual food! Although it was rough financially for a while, we both really enjoyed that stage of our life. It was fun to be together all the time and the weather was beautiful. We loved walking around the neighborhood and exploring all the hikes and other attractions in the area.
My
Plan was to get either a wedding planner or florist position. Sadly
the timing was right at the beginning of the recession and neither option was
panning out. Plan B was to start my own piano studio. I converted our second
bedroom into a studio and started advertising. I quickly got several students
and the referrals snowballed from there. I now have a completely full studio. I
love teaching piano and find so much job and purpose in teach people of all ages
how to create music
We were starting to feel established and at home in our new city. After 19 months full of saving and planning we made the huge decision to
purchase our first home! We knew we wanted 3 bedrooms and room for 2 cars
because we wanted this to be the home where we started our family. We made
endless cosmetic changes but got it to a look how we wanted before
long.
Painting
Painting Painting
Before and Afters
Kitchen
We converted the Garage into a new piano studio
With our jobs secure and house renovated we were
finally ready for our untimate dream.
Time to start a
family!!
Planning for a Baby
Once
we were settled in our family friendly home we were all systems go. We had our
hearts set on a family!
We tried for several months with no success so I purchased a pre pregnancy book a studied it like my life depended on it. We learned everything there was to learn about ovulation and fertile days including how to use basil body temperature, fludis and cycle tracker calendars to get the exact day. It was a little overwhelming to track everything every day. But after a week or two I had a system down.
We tried for several months with no success so I purchased a pre pregnancy book a studied it like my life depended on it. We learned everything there was to learn about ovulation and fertile days including how to use basil body temperature, fludis and cycle tracker calendars to get the exact day. It was a little overwhelming to track everything every day. But after a week or two I had a system down.
I felt enlightened and excited by all the tips and suggestions in the book. There were a lot!! It was to many to put into play all at once. We decided to choose a few at a time. We started with our diets. We loaded up on everything fertility friendly and avoided anything with the potential to harm fertility. Then we slowly added more and more fertility boosting life changes from there.
I highlighted all the foods to eat
so itd be easier to make a shopping list
so itd be easier to make a shopping list
What
to Expect Before You're Expecting mentioned several times that high levels of
stress would hinder our chances or pregnancy. Following all the little advice in
the book to a t would for sure stress out a lot of people so I wouldn’t
recommend it for everyone.
I
am a planner and a budgeter so naturally we needed to set up a baby budget. I
had no idea how much everything would cost. We decided to make it a date so we
went out to dinner and then headed to Babies R Us. I brought a pad of paper and we
started making our way through the store. After about 10 minutes in, a store
employee approached us and asked if we would like to register. We kindly
declined since we weren't even pregnant yet and it seemed odd. She was very
insistent that having all our selections in an organized list online would be
much easier. We were still going to decline but then she said it was easier to
look at ratings and price compare with an online registry. That got us on board.
So yes we registered for our pretend baby.
After
careful research and pricing our items we settled on the number $4,000. That
number was to include all newborn baby supplies, diapers for 3 months, maternity
clothes, nursery furniture/decorations and a little extra for incidental
expenses.
The
final step was working out schedules and financial plans for after we had a
baby. Bret gets home from work at 2:30. We decided together that I would cut
down my teaching schedule to 3-6pm on week days. That would allow for Daddy and
baby bonding time. Obviously our expenses would go up but our income would come
down. We were able to find several monthly expenses we can easily do without.
The plan was as soon as I got that positive pregnancy test we would go ahead and
switch over to the "after baby budget" that way we would have 9 months to work
out the kinks and for sure have enough money to make ends meet plus have a good
amount in savings.
Now literally all
that was left was for me to get pregnant!
Bumps Along the Road
Infertility?
After several more months with no success we starting to wonder if maybe something else was wrong. We made finding a good fertility doctor our number one priority. I made an appointment asap. Over the course of the next couple weeks I had several appointments where we ran every test under the sun. Everything came back normal. That is excellent news for sure but also a little frustrating since there wasn’t anything we could do to fix anything. All we could do was keep trying....
After seeing our disappointment and frustration he said there was one more thing we could try. I may have Endometriosis. If I did, all they would have to do is remove it and then I would likely get pregnant within 6 months. The only way to know for sure is to have a Laparoscopy which is also the surgery they would have to perform to remove the growths if I had them. I scheduled the surgery right away.
The surgery date was about 6 weeks out. Everything went smoothly. It turned out that I had in fact had endometriosis yay!! Our hopes were sky high for the next several months. Sadly 10 months later still no pregnancy.
Emotions
While were trying to remain positive and hopeful, all 3 of my closest friends (Melissa, Kristen & Sarah) got pregnant!! They all had girls. How fun!
Kristen & Melissa
Bret Holding
Sarah's baby
We were overjoyed
for them and couldn’t wait to meet their new little additions! But it also took
a huge toll on us emotionally. Bret and I had been trying to get pregnant for 4 years at that point and none of our friends had been trying any where close to that long it just seemed so unfair. I spent several
nights crying myself to sleep. I started to pull away from them and wallow in
self pity.
Lucky for me they made every effort to make sure I felt included. They would check in to see what I was up to rather than dominating every conversation with baby updates. After a while I started to see how this could actually be a blessing for me. Even if I didn't have my own children yet, I could still enjoy being closely involved with the lives of several beautiful baby girls. I still have my rough days for sure but they help me get through them. I truly have the best friends anyone could ask for.
A few months ago we made peace with the fact that maybe for whatever reason; we may not have kids for a really long time. We have done everything we could possibly do and still had no baby. We started entertaining a new dream; adoption!
Lucky for me they made every effort to make sure I felt included. They would check in to see what I was up to rather than dominating every conversation with baby updates. After a while I started to see how this could actually be a blessing for me. Even if I didn't have my own children yet, I could still enjoy being closely involved with the lives of several beautiful baby girls. I still have my rough days for sure but they help me get through them. I truly have the best friends anyone could ask for.
A few months ago we made peace with the fact that maybe for whatever reason; we may not have kids for a really long time. We have done everything we could possibly do and still had no baby. We started entertaining a new dream; adoption!
Adoption Decision
After 5 years of trying for a baby we decided to start looking in to adoption. The more we thought about adoption the more we
thought it was a great idea. As I started mentioning our interest to friends and
acquaintances I learned that I actually knew several people who had been adopted
themselves. This gave me so much hope!
We started looking at numerous agencies. We found several that came well recommended. We ordered them from favorite to least favorite. Then we started from the top of the list and worked our way down. At the end of each phone call our hearts broke a little more. Apparently many agencies are no longer accepting new applicants. We were told over and over again that they simply had too many couples waiting for children and had nowhere near enough babies. They told us the reason for this is most girls are choosing to keep their babies rather than put them up for adoption.
This news sent us into a 2 week depression. Everything seemed hopeless. Then a friend introduced us to an agency called the World Association for Children and Parents (W.A.C.A.P.). They handle foreign adoptions and a foster to adopt program.
We went to a meeting to learn more about the program and both felt very comfortable with the idea. We sent in our application the next day! We learned about foreign adoptions and would absolutely love to adopt a child from another country at some point in our lives. Sadly it is very expensive which makes it unrealistic for us at this time.We chose to participate in the foster to adopt program which means we would technically be foster parents but they would only place children with us that have a high chance of becoming eligible for adoption.
That whole idea is a little nerve racking. They can't guarantee that we'd be able to adopt the children placed with us. We will likely have to take them to visit their biological parents and potentially have them taken from us all together. We prayed about this A LOT and decided we felt that this is what we were supposed to do. I take comfort in that knowledge but still get panic attacks just thinking about it!
We decided that we would feel comfortable fostering children of either gender and any race ages new born to 4. We would also be okay with sibling sets of 2 as long as both children were 4 or younger. Foster children don’t become eligible for adoption until age 5 unless their birth parents sign over custody earlier. This is such a scary thought. But we given it a lot of though and decided we will just prepare ourselves mentally and everything will be okay.
Our dream is to raise a new born. But we both feel in the end it doesn’t matter if the child is biologically ours, adopted at birth, or fostered and adopted when they are older. We will love the child the same no matter what the circumstances are. We just want to share our love with a child.
We started looking at numerous agencies. We found several that came well recommended. We ordered them from favorite to least favorite. Then we started from the top of the list and worked our way down. At the end of each phone call our hearts broke a little more. Apparently many agencies are no longer accepting new applicants. We were told over and over again that they simply had too many couples waiting for children and had nowhere near enough babies. They told us the reason for this is most girls are choosing to keep their babies rather than put them up for adoption.
This news sent us into a 2 week depression. Everything seemed hopeless. Then a friend introduced us to an agency called the World Association for Children and Parents (W.A.C.A.P.). They handle foreign adoptions and a foster to adopt program.
We went to a meeting to learn more about the program and both felt very comfortable with the idea. We sent in our application the next day! We learned about foreign adoptions and would absolutely love to adopt a child from another country at some point in our lives. Sadly it is very expensive which makes it unrealistic for us at this time.We chose to participate in the foster to adopt program which means we would technically be foster parents but they would only place children with us that have a high chance of becoming eligible for adoption.
That whole idea is a little nerve racking. They can't guarantee that we'd be able to adopt the children placed with us. We will likely have to take them to visit their biological parents and potentially have them taken from us all together. We prayed about this A LOT and decided we felt that this is what we were supposed to do. I take comfort in that knowledge but still get panic attacks just thinking about it!
We decided that we would feel comfortable fostering children of either gender and any race ages new born to 4. We would also be okay with sibling sets of 2 as long as both children were 4 or younger. Foster children don’t become eligible for adoption until age 5 unless their birth parents sign over custody earlier. This is such a scary thought. But we given it a lot of though and decided we will just prepare ourselves mentally and everything will be okay.
Our dream is to raise a new born. But we both feel in the end it doesn’t matter if the child is biologically ours, adopted at birth, or fostered and adopted when they are older. We will love the child the same no matter what the circumstances are. We just want to share our love with a child.
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